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Hear that? That’s your life passing you by.  Feel that? That’s the world turning around. That’s your moments gone. Your time detonated and destroyed forever. You can never get anything back.  The time I spend writing these words will be gone forever.

What should I be doing? Travelling? Visiting new places? Meeting new people? Being social? Partying? Dancing? Drinking? Thinking? Curing cancer? Eating? Listening to songs I’ve never heard before? Reading new books? Learning new things?

Probably.

I’ve gotten into the habbit of letting time pass me by this month. We’re already at February (well almost) and I remember the build up to Christmas like it could have happened yesterday.

I HATE being social. I hate new people. I hate people as it is. Why do I have smile and shake their hand? Why? They’re not interesting to me. They don’t care what I have to say. And rightly so. Why should they?

I’m the only one who feels like this.

Everyone else loves parties. Everyone else loves meeting people. Drinking. Laughing. Shitty jokes. Acting like tossers. Showing off. I’m so excluded. I’ve been so excluded for so long and it’s getting me down.

I don’t want to go places for the sake of people. I’m not a people person. I don’t want to go to places where the subs are so loud the only means of communication is dance. I love music but I hate being with people I’m uncomfortable and not even the opportunity to develop that comfort.

Why does everyone like it? Why can everyone get on with it? It’s not a confidence thing. I’m over-confident if anything. It’s just - a thing. I don’t get everyone else. People don’t get me back. And it’s depressing.

I don’t want to change myself but I have to. Sometimes you have to follow the mainstream. Otherwise you end up in limbo.

Depressed about not doing anything. Depressed about doing something.

God - I’m meant to have put a stop to these posts.