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In a fictional conversation with my head last night I asked myself if I would kick all five Saturdays members out of bed.

I came to the conclusion that if they started singing I would.

Sock In The Mouth Tactics Perhaps?

Under what circumstance would you kick these ladies out of bed, valued reader?

In the name of huge hit counts and the imminent UK release of “One Of The Boys” by new-found pop-starlet Katy Perry, I thought I should reprint my review of the One Of The Boys album. Seeing as how NME only thought it shit because of what it stood for: well produced pop not incohesive shit.

Thus without further adieu, I give you the One Of The Boys review, again:

Newsflash: Katy Perry is going to be insanely huge. I said it in May when I heard second single “I Kissed A Girl” and since playing through debut album “One Of The Boys” there is no doubt in my mind that this album is going to blow up big time worldwide. She’s set to invade the UK in September — so if you want bragging rights or need to be aware of avoiding mainstream radio in September, here it is.

Katy Perry’s album has a unique yet mainstream sound at the same time: similarly to Lily Allen, Perry’s album is unique while still having a commercially accessible sound. This is manufactured pop at it’s best, so if you’re too cool for that - better skip the review.

The album track starts with title track “One Of The Boys” and it only takes 40 seconds of the song for you to know that this album is going to be both awesome and massive. Kicking of with chugging power chords and synths Katy opens with “I saw a spider I didn’t scream, ‘cos I can belch the alphabet just double dare me”. Essentially a song about not doing typical girlie things the song builds into a massive chorus where several harmonies support the main melody. The tune is hummable and likeable which culminates in a clapping breakdown before the final note rings out leading into the beat of second single (in the US), “I Kissed A Girl”.

“I Kissed A Girl” secures Katy’s tongue in cheek lyrical style as a fuzz bass-line chugs on top of the beat. She sings “it’s not what good girls do, not how they should behave” before culminating in the line “I kissed a girl and I liked it, // the taste of her cherry chapstick”. The chorus goes into a fit of saw bass and subby kicks which totally changes up the dynamic of the song and is going to set clubs alight this summer.

“Waking Up In Vegas” slows the pace of the album down where Katy shows off her vocal range. Her singing style is not over-the-top but has enough expression to it. The song builds into a track reminiscent of Avril Lavigne and Paramore — the commercial pop-rock sound. “Waking Up In Vegas” isn’t the strongest song on the album but is still perfectly hummable, like everything else on this album.

Moving on with the slower sound “Thinking Of You” kicks off with picked acoustic and Katy whining “comparisons are easily done // once you’ve had a taste of perfection”. Another of the more serious tracks on the album her voice almost reminds me of Dixie Chicks country rock.

“Mannequin” starts very delicately with a nice delayed piano riff and a subtle sawtooth synth riff before building into a chugging rock track, “you’re not a man, you’re just a mannequin”. The song is very progressive as it switches between nice and delicate and then constant building.

The first single in the US was “UR So Gay” which superstar Madonna touted live on radio, starting the snowball effect of Katy Perry fans in America. Definitely with Lily Allen in mind the song chugs along with a reggae/ska beat and bassline as Katy’s tongue-in-cheek lyrics return:

“I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway

You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys”

The song is held together with a brilliant brass riff and some nice use of synthesizers and whistling. Definitely one of the stand out tracks of the album.

“Hot n Cold” starts off slowly with an arpeggiated synth and “house” drum beat before turning into another Kelly Clarkson-esque rock chick. Again it’s another super-catchy track but maybe not as original as the other songs.

“If You Can Afford Me” has a very stylised guitar strumming riff in the verse before building into another Avril Lavigne style chorus. However, like I’ve said about earlier tracks - Katy’s voice has little country flickers in it so these rock tracks sound more Dixie Chicks or Michelle Branch than Paramore or Lavigne. “Lost” continues the trend of acoustic guitars as Katy once again shows off her vocal range on top of a dreamy backing of xylophone and toms.

“Self Inflicted” is the punkiest song on the track: chugging power chords, distorted bass and Cure-esque dreamy delay pedals. This is the song that will make it ok for the “punk-kids” to listen to Katy Perry and still get away with wearing black even though tracks like “I’m Still Breathing” which is almost like a classical pop-song in influence contradict that.

“Fingerprints” closes the album with more Avril Lavigne-stylised guitar riffs and vocals. It’s a disappointing end to the album as it chooses to follow it’s pop-punk routes as opposed to it’s pop roots - but again it will appeal to the “goth-kids”. Note the tongue in cheek.

“One Of The Boys” may head too far in the direction of manufactured pop-punk for my liking but there is enough manufactured electro-pop in the record to keep me listening. Catchiest record I’ve heard for a while.

9/10.

• Katy Perry Official Website
• Katy Perry MySpace

I wanted a long title for this article because, well, I just did. And also because I think it’s genius. Following the crash of the record industry (it’s less than a year away perhaps?) and the tightening of wallets due to the credit crunch how the hell do you get people to buy music these days?

You write the song into a Neighbours storyline and have them perform it at the end of one episode and the start of the next episode. Cue teeny-boppers running wild and buying the single from iTunes in their droves.

That’s exactly what’s happened to. Neighbours being the soap that pushed Jason & Kylie, Natalie Imbruglia, Natalie Bassingthwaighte, Delta Goodrem, Holly Valance, etc etc. Well add Caitlin Stasey (Rachel Kinski) on the list because latest storyline has her perform with pop-star-turned-actor Dean Geyer (Ty Some-thing-or-other). And as a result the single is going to sell literally 4,052 copies because it’s actually quite good.

Definitely a song you should be embarassed to like. And I am. It’s just “Unforgettable” though (see what I did there?)

I dunno if it’s ever going to be released here but apparently it’s out in Australia.

The Amy Winehouse-sound-alike Australian sensation Gabriella Cilmi’s new single doesn’t sound very Amy Winehousey at all - obviously a conscious decision from the record label to remove all the negative imitation press that made their star famous in the first place.

“Save The Lies” makes you think of Take That’s “Pray” from the first 5 seconds before building into a clavinet driven funk-pop track with an anticlimatic chorus. Let’s watch the video:

• The video kicks off with Gabriella posing in various outfits that her fashion person has picked for her. She really doesn’t look 16 does she?
• I really like the bridge of this song. You can feel the chorus coming as synth arp’s dot around the backing scape of the background.
• The chorus is about as anticlimatic as the bland white background our protagonist is standing in front of as she belts out the boring chorus. It’s almost like a Texas song - the prechorus is so good that the chorus sounds wank.
• Lightsabres at 1:11. Yay. More outfits too - good work Gok.
• Another 2 minutes of more outfits and Gabriella warbling “Good to me, good to me”.
• That’s it really.

3/10.

Newsflash: Katy Perry is going to be insanely huge. I said it in May when I heard second single “I Kissed A Girl” and since playing through debut album “One Of The Boys” there is no doubt in my mind that this album is going to blow up big time worldwide. She’s set to invade the UK in September — so if you want bragging rights or need to be aware of avoiding mainstream radio in September, here it is.

Katy Perry’s album has a unique yet mainstream sound at the same time: similarly to Lily Allen, Perry’s album is unique while still having a commercially accessible sound. This is manufactured pop at it’s best, so if you’re too cool for that - better skip the review.

The album track starts with title track “One Of The Boys” and it only takes 40 seconds of the song for you to know that this album is going to be both awesome and massive. Kicking of with chugging power chords and synths Katy opens with “I saw a spider I didn’t scream, ‘cos I can belch the alphabet just double dare me”. Essentially a song about not doing typical girlie things the song builds into a massive chorus where several harmonies support the main melody. The tune is hummable and likeable which culminates in a clapping breakdown before the final note rings out leading into the beat of second single (in the US), “I Kissed A Girl”.

“I Kissed A Girl” secures Katy’s tongue in cheek lyrical style as a fuzz bass-line chugs on top of the beat. She sings “it’s not what good girls do, not how they should behave” before culminating in the line “I kissed a girl and I liked it, // the taste of her cherry chapstick”. The chorus goes into a fit of saw bass and subby kicks which totally changes up the dynamic of the song and is going to set clubs alight this summer.

“Waking Up In Vegas” slows the pace of the album down where Katy shows off her vocal range. Her singing style is not over-the-top but has enough expression to it. The song builds into a track reminiscent of Avril Lavigne and Paramore — the commercial pop-rock sound. “Waking Up In Vegas” isn’t the strongest song on the album but is still perfectly hummable, like everything else on this album.

Moving on with the slower sound “Thinking Of You” kicks off with picked acoustic and Katy whining “comparisons are easily done // once you’ve had a taste of perfection”. Another of the more serious tracks on the album her voice almost reminds me of Dixie Chicks country rock.

“Mannequin” starts very delicately with a nice delayed piano riff and a subtle sawtooth synth riff before building into a chugging rock track, “you’re not a man, you’re just a mannequin”. The song is very progressive as it switches between nice and delicate and then constant building.

The first single in the US was “UR So Gay” which superstar Madonna touted live on radio, starting the snowball effect of Katy Perry fans in America. Definitely with Lily Allen in mind the song chugs along with a reggae/ska beat and bassline as Katy’s tongue-in-cheek lyrics return:

“I hope you hang yourself with your H&M scarf
While jacking off listening to Mozart
You bitch and moan about LA
Wishing you were in the rain reading Hemingway

You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive

You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys”

The song is held together with a brilliant brass riff and some nice use of synthesizers and whistling. Definitely one of the stand out tracks of the album.

“Hot n Cold” starts off slowly with an arpeggiated synth and “house” drum beat before turning into another Kelly Clarkson-esque rock chick. Again it’s another super-catchy track but maybe not as original as the other songs.

“If You Can Afford Me” has a very stylised guitar strumming riff in the verse before building into another Avril Lavigne style chorus. However, like I’ve said about earlier tracks - Katy’s voice has little country flickers in it so these rock tracks sound more Dixie Chicks or Michelle Branch than Paramore or Lavigne. “Lost” continues the trend of acoustic guitars as Katy once again shows off her vocal range on top of a dreamy backing of xylophone and toms.

“Self Inflicted” is the punkiest song on the track: chugging power chords, distorted bass and Cure-esque dreamy delay pedals. This is the song that will make it ok for the “punk-kids” to listen to Katy Perry and still get away with wearing black even though tracks like “I’m Still Breathing” which is almost like a classical pop-song in influence contradict that.

“Fingerprints” closes the album with more Avril Lavigne-stylised guitar riffs and vocals. It’s a disappointing end to the album as it chooses to follow it’s pop-punk routes as opposed to it’s pop roots - but again it will appeal to the “goth-kids”. Note the tongue in cheek.

“One Of The Boys” may head too far in the direction of manufactured pop-punk for my liking but there is enough manufactured electro-pop in the record to keep me listening. Catchiest record I’ve heard for a while.

9/10.

• Katy Perry Official Website
• Katy Perry MySpace

Given that artists make virtually nothing from every record they release it seems like we’re seeing an end to the conventional album as it becomes more of a promotional item used to advertise in bands tours and merchandise. McFly are following suit and are giving their new album away for free with the Mail On Sunday.

The move comes after Prince did a similar thing last year - which resulted in a sellout tour.

Singer Tom Fletcher said:

“We get to put it into almost three million homes, which is an incredible opportunity for us.

“Hopefully the three million people will all enjoy the music and they’ll decide to see us when we go on tour.”

It’s a shrewd business move given that McFly are one of the UK’s better known bands and probably would have shifted millions of albums as it is.

Never-the-less it’s just more proof the record industry is dying (or changing depending on your level of optimism).

As for their new single - well it’s not very good.

I suppose the bridge is ok-ish.

The cover is sadly very, very shit.

The tune, however, is very, very, very amazing. It’s about someone who thinks they’re “so it because [they] know so and so, and [they] made a hit but we can’t hear their music being played, ‘cos he has had his day.”

So basically it’s about a full on knob head.

I’ve posted the video already but if you missed it: